Shades of Gray

I was sitting at the airport this morning waiting for my plane to board and happened to notice a book sitting on top of someone’s luggage. It was called Obama’s Diaries. As the person who owned the book began to gather his belongings, I asked, “In favor of or anti?” “Definitely anti,” he replied. “There is no middle ground, is there?” I said. “There sure isn’t,” he said (smiling, at least) and walked off.

I’ve been pondering this little exchange since it took place, not because of its subject—the president—but because of what those four short sentences conveyed. My interpretation:

Question: Is the author for or against Barach Obama?

Answer: Against, for sure.

Response: This seems to be s a black and white issue. No shades of gray?

Reply: Right. You’re either pro or con.

I know the president is controversial. I can’t remember a president since Eisenhower who wasn’t. But that’s not the point. The point is that everything is controversial these days. You’re either for or against, pro or con, black or white. No matter what the topic, there is no middle ground. No balanced discussion. No exploration of issues or perspectives. For every point of view expressed on TV news or radio talk shows, there is an equal and opposite view. In the name of balanced journalism, there are always two sides of every story, and they must be given equal airtime.

But here’s a thought. What if there is only one side of the story, and nothing else merits mentioning? Example: A Holocaust, in which 12 million people were brutally murdered, was perpetrated by Nazi regime in the 1940s. It happened. There is abundant documentation to prove it happened. End of discussion. There is not another side to this story.

On the other hand, what if there are several sides to the story, multiple perspectives instead of only two? Example: the Iraq war. There were many ways of perceiving this event, including the perspectives of the US president, the secretary of state, the American people (some pro, some con), the Iraqi people, other Middle East countries (some pro, some con), and countries all over the world. It's simplistic to say there are only two ways to look at this: for or against.

Life is complicated, way too complicated to reduce it to a face-off between black and white. There are far too many shades of gray to ignore.

The Savvy Ghostwriter

Ghostwriting is hard work—very hard work—for both the author and the ghostwriter. It's like an arranged marriage of strangers. The difference is only that the partners make the arrangements, themselves, based on the answers to some tough questions. For example, a potential author may ask questions like these:

1. I want this book to sound like I wrote it? How can you do that?
2. Where are you going to get the content?
3. How you going to get inside my head and become me?
4. What do you charge?
5. How long will this take?
6. Do you expect your name to be on the cover?

But it's the questions ghostwriters ask that reveal the most important information.

1. What is your book about?
2. Who is your target audience?
3. What do you hope to achieve with this book?
4. What kind of relationship do you envision with the ghostwriter?
5. Where is the information to come from? How will I access it?
6. Do you understand the differences among royalties, work for hire, and hourly rate?
   

There are four sets of questions ghostwriters ask:

1. about the book
2. about the process
3. about the client
4. about payment.

For ALL the questions a ghostwriter must ask, get your free copy of The Savvy Ghostwriter. The first ten people who e-mail me at bobbi@words-to-live-by.com with "The Savvy Ghostwriter" in the subject line, will receive this new eBook ... FREE.

How to Succeed: Sometimes, Very Slowly

When I decided I wanted to write, I had no reason to believe I could do it. I had not majored in journalism or English; I had never had a writing job; but I knew this was what I wanted to do. So I started setting goals. First they were small. I just wanted to get one thing in print, anything, even a paragraph. Then one day, one of my stories—a humor piece on being a handball widow—was published in a national handball magazine. I was out of my mind with joy and quite the hit at the handball courts for a few weeks.

The big question then was how to follow my act? I immediately set another goal. When I reached that one, I set another and then another and another. The most important thing about my goals was that one led to the next in a relatively logical formation. I didn't realize that while it was happening. In fact, I had no plan. Every time I reached a goal, I thought of something else I wanted to do, and that became my next target. Haphazard as my "system" was, it worked for me.

It took me four-and-a-half years to fill one little portfolio with published pieces. They are now yellow and somewhat brittle but they are testament to the power of putting one foot in front of the other. This was the lesson: Success doesn't always come in one dramatic leap. Most of the time, it is incremental, one tiny step at a time. Then, one day you look up and think, "Wow, I made it!"

You can't please everyone

I know how actors feel when they read the reviews the morning after opening night and find one scathing assessment of their work. The performance was bad; the script was worse; and the actor was beyond awful. Struggling to find something positive to write, the reviewer notes, "She did remember her lines." The actor travels from dumbfounded to disappointed to depressed in the space of one paragraph. She doesn't even recall the other reviews. THIS is the only one that matters.

The feelings are much the same when the review is about one's book. I know because I received one. It was just an e-mail, so the rest of the world didn't see it—or at least I hope not. The only good thing the reviewer had to to say was that I had "a way with words."

Today, a colleague sent me a review she had posted on-line. It was thoughtful; it was glowing; it was all over the Internet. I'm going to blow it up and have it made into a poster. The best part was how quickly it obliterated the preceding withering critique, which by the way, is the only one I've read.

With a little help from your friends

No one succeeds alone, no matter how talented, intelligent, or lucky that person may be. There is always another person—usually many people—along the path who open a door, share words of encouragement, or in some way make it possible to take the next step.

Whoever coined the phrase "pay it forward" was a genius. If you have achieved anything in your life, someone helped you, guided you, mentored you. You can't pay that person back; you can only pass the gift along.

The Space Between

Life transitions are confusing. Between endings and beginnings is a fallow space where nothing seems to be happening. Actually, it is a time of quiet creativity and renewal. Something new is in the works; you just can't see it.

Think about winter. Sometimes, it seems to go on forever. The world is cold and gray. It takes an act of faith to believe that Spring is going to burst forth one day. It always does (if you're lucky enough to live in a place with four seasons).

Life is like that. Something ends, and nothing seems to take it's place. But, eventually, something will. Nature abhors a vacuum.

When amazing things happen

Is there a magic formula for creating a successful life or career? There are all kinds of theories about how and why things happen in our lives and how much each of us has to do with the outcome. Some people believe in the power of goal getting; other, in sending your desires out to the universe, like Field of Dreams or The Secret.

In 1960, physician and author Maxwell Maltz likened the idea of setting goals to a torpedo, speeding toward its target. When the torpedo veers off course, an internal feedback system makes the necessary corrections and points it back to its programmed end point. Thus, we are responsible for knowing where we want to go and getting ourselves there.

There is another explanation and one I believe in. Never underestimate the existence of just plain luck. Call it synchronicity or serendipity or coincidence; but the fact is, sometimes you have no idea why something amazing happens to you.

How to Play Well With Others

When we describe someone as "egocentric," we are really saying that person is the center of his or her own universe. But when you think about it, aren't we all the center of our own universes? Don't we see things from our own perspectives? No matter what happens, don't we always think it's about us? Aren't we focused on our own needs and desires most of the time? Of course, we are, because we are human. But, if that's true, doesn't it stand to reason that other people see things from their own perspectives, think everything is about them, and focus on their own needs and desires, just as we do?

Yet, it seems to be extremely difficult to get along with people much of the time. We just don't get another person's perspective at all. Many people don't even realize there is a perspective other than their own. Here's a thought: What if, instead of always concentrating on our own needs, we could try to understand someone else's needs? Might we not have better relationships? The answer is YES.

Interpersonal skills boil down to a single question: What does this person need from me at this moment? If you can answer that question and give each person what he or she needs, however briefly, you can get along with anyone.

Assembling the Puzzle Pieces

Do you ever feel like the thing you're doing right now has nothing to do with your life? You were on a path but seem to have taken a wrong turn somewhere. You find yourself engaged in some activity that makes no sense. I have certainly experienced that "what-am-I-doing?" feeling, especially in my career.

I am a writer. I have always been a writer. Then, what was I doing selling training programs on the East Coast—driving up and down unfamiliar highways, losing my luggage every time I went to Philadelphia, hailing cabs in crazy Manhattan, and lugging sample cases through airports? I had no idea. It felt like an out-of-body experience until I looked back on it years later when I was selling myself to potential clients. I could never have done it if not for that totally unrelated stint as a sales rep back in the eighties.

Take the long view and realize that everything you do, no matter how inconsequential it may seem, is like a puzzle piece in a much bigger picture. The piece may not fit anywhere at first, but eventually the pattern will become clear.

One Way to Show Appreciation

I am about to have a book launch/signing with a friend and fellow author. As a rule I find book signings underwhelming—especially when they are held in the back corner of a bookstore, no one knows they're taking place, and the author is not particularly famous. First of all, why would anyone want a book signed by a total stranger unless they just like having a shelf full of signed books to show people.

I went to a book signing once and bought a book by a very good friend of mine. She sold a lot of books and probably had writer's cramp from writing the same greeting and her name over and over again. She looked happy to see me but wrote what she had written in everyone's book. I confess I was disappointed. I guess I wanted something just for me. I always write a personal note (usually too long), which is hard because I have trouble writing. I figure people don't want a generic phrase; they want to know I appreciate their taking the time to come and buy my book.

The whole process of writing and publishing a book is hard work, and I throw my heart into it. I always figure the person buying the book knows that and cares. Maybe that's an erroneous belief, but it makes me feel better about the whole process. So, I will bring my very best pens and write a personal note to every person who plunks down real money to buy the fruits of my labor. It's the only way I know to say "thank you."