Thursday, July 29, 2010

You can't please everyone

I know how actors feel when they read the reviews the morning after opening night and find one scathing assessment of their work. The performance was bad; the script was worse; and the actor was beyond awful. Struggling to find something positive to write, the reviewer notes, "She did remember her lines." The actor travels from dumbfounded to disappointed to depressed in the space of one paragraph. She doesn't even recall the other reviews. THIS is the only one that matters.

The feelings are much the same when the review is about one's book. I know because I received one. It was just an e-mail, so the rest of the world didn't see it—or at least I hope not. The only good thing the reviewer had to to say was that I had "a way with words."

Today, a colleague sent me a review she had posted on-line. It was thoughtful; it was glowing; it was all over the Internet. I'm going to blow it up and have it made into a poster. The best part was how quickly it obliterated the preceding withering critique, which by the way, is the only one I've read.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

With a little help from your friends

No one succeeds alone, no matter how talented, intelligent, or lucky that person may be. There is always another person—usually many people—along the path who open a door, share words of encouragement, or in some way make it possible to take the next step.

Whoever coined the phrase "pay it forward" was a genius. If you have achieved anything in your life, someone helped you, guided you, mentored you. You can't pay that person back; you can only pass the gift along.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

The Space Between

Life transitions are confusing. Between endings and beginnings is a fallow space where nothing seems to be happening. Actually, it is a time of quiet creativity and renewal. Something new is in the works; you just can't see it.

Think about winter. Sometimes, it seems to go on forever. The world is cold and gray. It takes an act of faith to believe that Spring is going to burst forth one day. It always does (if you're lucky enough to live in a place with four seasons).

Life is like that. Something ends, and nothing seems to take it's place. But, eventually, something will. Nature abhors a vacuum.

Friday, July 16, 2010

When amazing things happen

Is there a magic formula for creating a successful life or career? There are all kinds of theories about how and why things happen in our lives and how much each of us has to do with the outcome. Some people believe in the power of goal getting; other, in sending your desires out to the universe, like Field of Dreams or The Secret.

In 1960, physician and author Maxwell Maltz likened the idea of setting goals to a torpedo, speeding toward its target. When the torpedo veers off course, an internal feedback system makes the necessary corrections and points it back to its programmed end point. Thus, we are responsible for knowing where we want to go and getting ourselves there.

There is another explanation and one I believe in. Never underestimate the existence of just plain luck. Call it synchronicity or serendipity or coincidence; but the fact is, sometimes you have no idea why something amazing happens to you.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

How to Play Well With Others

When we describe someone as "egocentric," we are really saying that person is the center of his or her own universe. But when you think about it, aren't we all the center of our own universes? Don't we see things from our own perspectives? No matter what happens, don't we always think it's about us? Aren't we focused on our own needs and desires most of the time? Of course, we are, because we are human. But, if that's true, doesn't it stand to reason that other people see things from their own perspectives, think everything is about them, and focus on their own needs and desires, just as we do?

Yet, it seems to be extremely difficult to get along with people much of the time. We just don't get another person's perspective at all. Many people don't even realize there is a perspective other than their own. Here's a thought: What if, instead of always concentrating on our own needs, we could try to understand someone else's needs? Might we not have better relationships? The answer is YES.

Interpersonal skills boil down to a single question: What does this person need from me at this moment? If you can answer that question and give each person what he or she needs, however briefly, you can get along with anyone.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Assembling the Puzzle Pieces

Do you ever feel like the thing you're doing right now has nothing to do with your life? You were on a path but seem to have taken a wrong turn somewhere. You find yourself engaged in some activity that makes no sense. I have certainly experienced that "what-am-I-doing?" feeling, especially in my career.

I am a writer. I have always been a writer. Then, what was I doing selling training programs on the East Coast—driving up and down unfamiliar highways, losing my luggage every time I went to Philadelphia, hailing cabs in crazy Manhattan, and lugging sample cases through airports? I had no idea. It felt like an out-of-body experience until I looked back on it years later when I was selling myself to potential clients. I could never have done it if not for that totally unrelated stint as a sales rep back in the eighties.

Take the long view and realize that everything you do, no matter how inconsequential it may seem, is like a puzzle piece in a much bigger picture. The piece may not fit anywhere at first, but eventually the pattern will become clear.