Sunday, March 28, 2010

The Secret Nobody Keeps

As my little book nears the finish line, I am reminded how many lessons learned and words to live by are tucked into just about every chapter. In forty years, one learns a lot, sometimes without realizing it, sometimes with full awareness of the lesson. Here's one I have learned repeatedly in my life—first from my mother, who just spelled it out; second, from observing the actions of friends and acquaintances; and, finally, from my experience in the business world.
  • Never, never lie. To anyone. If you do, the person you lie to, and anyone that person tells (and she will tell everyone in town) will never believe another word you say. Trust is fragile. It takes forever to build it and mere seconds to destroy it.
A few corollaries:
  • It's a small world and an even smaller business world.
  • Anything you say on line is out there forever, and anyone can access it.
  • Whatever your reason, it's not good enough.


Friday, March 26, 2010

The Mind-Body Connection

I'm reading a book on Reversing Fibromyalgia by Dr. Joe M. Elrod and tripping over the names of supplements and alternative-care methods. Most doctors don't even believe fibromyalgia exists (that's frustrating when you have it and you KNOW it exists); and those who do, probably don't have much faith in the idea that it can be reversed. Nonetheless, it is such a pain (literally) to live with, that anything is worth a try. So, I'm reading.

One idea that is hardly new, but slips through the cracks of my memory now and then, is that the mind influences the body. I know that. Harvard Medical School knows that. Chinese and Indian doctors have always known that. And, even slow-to-accept-anything-so-revolutionary western doctors are beginning to admit it might be true. We are all of a piece, not disconnected parts. We manifest our thoughts. If we're stressed out of our minds, our bodies respond. If we believe we can feel better, it might be so.

Laughing, relaxation, deep breathing, biofeedback, mindfulness meditation, TM, massage, exercise, and visualization all help the body heal. It's good to be reminded of something so fundamental when one is pondering this strange malady.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Going "first class"

When I teach, my students always want to know how much it will cost (ballpark) to self-publish a book. I am never able to answer because it depends on so many factors. I've seen friends and clients spend little or nothing to many thousands of dollars. I've held beautiful books and poorly produced books in my hands. I've done it every which way, myself, from having a traditional publisher handle all the production details and paying the freight, to "designing" my own book and having it printed by a digital printing company. But this is the first time I've gone "first class."

My new book has been through all the steps, so far, from idea through layout. What sets it apart from others I've written is very thorough editing by three different editors, its own Web site and shopping cart, a detailed marketing plan, and design and layout by a professional book designer. If nothing else, it will be beautiful! What is also different is that I am more excited about this book than I have ever been.

I've thought it through and decided where I wanted to invest my money. There were, of course, more things to spend it on, but one must make choices. I chose a great designer, and I know I'm going to be very glad I did.

Monday, March 15, 2010

I'd rather do it myself

"Why are you designing your own Web site?" my daughter asked me, as she watched me go crazy with confusion and frustration. "Why don't you just hire a professional to do it for you?"

Why, indeed. Why did I insist on doing it myself? Why did I spend days on the phone with my Web host and shopping cart supplier, trying to figure out what I was doing wrong and how to make it right? Why did I tie knots in my shoulder muscles and walk around with a permanent headache? Why did I let other things go undone while I did this?

The reasons may elude me, but the lesson is clear. The next time I am struggling with a project and hear myself say, "I can do this; I know I can!" I will stop immediately and ask, is this something I do well? Am I going to end up wasting a lot of time and energy? Could someone else do it faster, better, cheaper?

If the answers are yes, yes, and yes, I'm going to yell for help.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Niki's Secret

My friend, Niki, seems to take everything in her stride. She is so easygoing and upbeat—sometimes in the face of events that would depress Pollyanna—I finally asked her to share her secret. I had to know how she achieves such equanimity. She told me she has two guiding principles (I know I am butchering them as I attempt to quote her):
  1. You have no idea what's going on, and
  2. Whatever you think it is, you are probably wrong.
Talk about words to live by! Think of all the times you've gotten your nose out of joint because a friend made a hurtful remark, the check-out clerk at the grocery store was sullen, your mother criticized your haircut, a client didn't return your call, or someone you don't even know was rude. Did you let it ruin your day, or did you remind yourself you had no idea what was going on behind the scenes of that person's personal drama? It could be any one (or more) of a hundred things, but if you tried to figure it out, chances are you would fail.

I've given a lot of thought to Niki's philosophy—sometimes even at an appropriate moment—and I've come up with a postscript of my own:

3. Whatever happened, it's not about you.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Judgment Call

Everyone is a critic, but that doesn't mean every opinion carries equal weight. Whose judgment counts and whose do not? First and foremost, you have to please yourself. You must love your own work. Second, if you have a client, you have to please that person because he or she is paying you. If you love it, and the client hates it, the client's view trumps yours.

That's it. Two people: you and your client.

Even if 62 other folks weigh in on your work, their opinions may be illuminating or instructive, but in the end, they really don't matter.

Underestimating

When you knock yourself out doing a job that takes way more time and effort than you ever dreamed it would, try to think about what you learned from this mistake. Of course, the key is to apply those lessons the next time you think you know how long a project will take. Chances are this is not the first time you underestimated; and, unless you figure out why you fall into the same trap over and over again, it won't be the last.

Ask yourself a few questions: Are you estimating from experience or off the top of your head? Have you ever done a project like this, or are you in uncharted territory? Do you have a tendency to make everything more complicated than it needs to be? Have you accurately assessed your client? Are you a perfectionist?

It pays—literally—to know the answers.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Murphy's Law

If it can go wrong, it will. If more than one thing can go wrong, they all will. That's just life. So, what are your options? Well, you can bemoan your fate and tell everyone the gruesome details (very few people will honestly care). You can give up and just stop whatever you were trying to do (that may leave you with feelings of failure). Or, if it is a task, you can fix what didn't work, find a way around the glitches, or approach it from a different angle. If it's just a day gone awry, you can slip into a bad mood or shake it off.

There are probably many other options, but the point is that you always have a choice: let Murphy get you down or refuse to grant his little law all that power.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Finding New Meanings

Every experience has a lesson in it. The lesson might be startling, painful, ego deflating, or life altering. It could be a tiny aha moment or a giant revelation, but it always seems to be worth learning.

When one of my friends read my new book, Words To Live By, she got an entirely different meaning from the title than the one I had intended. I thought of the book as a memoir on how I earned my living; she thought of it as lessons learned during each phase of my career. When I viewed it in that light, I could see all the events and experiences that had shaped me as a person.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Overachieving

When you think you have to do it all, all by yourself, think again. Is it really worth the time, energy, effort, and aching back to reinvent the wheel? Are there experts out there who could help you? Of course, there are. Could they do it faster, better, and probably cheaper (in terms of all of the above)? Of course, they could. Ask yourself, am I being creative or compulsive?

As I review my new Web site, ShopSite store, and blog, at the cost of a week of hard work, I'm asking myself those questions. I'm not sure the answer is "creative."